Hope Virgo, author, mental health campaigner and MQ Ambassador and James Downs, Mental health campaigner and MQ Ambassador.
Christmas can be such an emotive time; with so many mixed emotions, and expectations flying around. This year we have the added uncertainty of the Christmas season and what it might look like for each of us. My relationship with Christmas has been hit and miss.
I grew up not feeling much about Christmas, I liked the excitement, but once presents had been opened, and the food was eaten it was a time to just stop. I would then wake up the next day and not give the day before much thought other than to think about the memories we made from joking around with presents to competing at board games. However, things changed when I turned thirteen. I developed anorexia. At Christmas time I became fearful, a time of worry where I was trying to not let on what was happening. Even as I began my recovery journey it still scared me. The fear of this fixation on food, the worry of the comments being said. It felt relentless.
The reality is some years it feels straight forward, but other years a plan changes last minute and I panic.
Eating disorders affect millions of people, families, and friends each year. I’ve learned a lot in my journey to recovery. We each need to work out how we can make Christmas work for us. This isn’t selfish, it’s important for our recoveries and our wider mental health.
I wanted to share a few tips that have worked for me while recovering from an eating disorder. I am not a professional, but these tips have worked for me and may help you too. I’ve also asked fellow MQ ambassador James Downs for tips that have helped him too.
Hope’s Top Tips
- Planning. Planning for me is so important when it comes to Christmas. This will include a rough outline for the few days around Christmas. This is not just about the food, but also ensuring distractions are in place, that there is a mixture of activities around food and also self-care time! whether it’s a complete structure or a rough outline, work out what works for you. When I started my recovery, I found it more helpful to have an intense plan for the day, but over time I’ve needed this less and less. You do you! Be bold, set those boundaries and remember that if you need a plan this year – even if you haven’t done one for years - that is also OK.
- Find someone you can talk to. Eating disorders thrive off isolation. One way to help to combat them, but also to help us feel heard, is to identify someone that we can be really honest with. I know that this is really hard at times, but have a think who that might be. I find it easiest to send emails to someone to help start the conversation.
- Distraction. While I am a real advocate for people feeling their feelings, I also think that around Christmas sometimes feelings can become too intense. Something that has helped me is preparing distractions ahead of the day, from playing board games to watching television, even washing up (your family will thank you for that one).
James’ Top Tips
- Don’t forget to breathe. Christmas can seem like a really overwhelming and busy time, with people to see and lots of things to remember to do. For me, remembering that I don’t have to be all things to all people at all times is really important. Taking time to stop, breathe and give myself the space I need is important.
- Remember balance is key. There’s a lot of expectations at Christmas to eat loads but then to immediately be super fit for the new year. It can be especially difficult to manage these messages for someone like me who has eating difficulties. So I try to remain balanced - remembering it is important to have permission to eat but also to keep up the routines that help me with managing my eating, looking after my body and staying calm. Balance is key, even if our routines are disrupted over the festive period.
- Take off the pressure. We don’t have to have the perfect Christmas to enjoy it, or Instagram our best homemade mince pies and immaculate trees. It’s OK to let it all hang out and not be perfect, and the people that love you most won’t care if you are a bit frayed around the edges. Giving myself permission to not be perfect helps me to stay kind to myself. Remember: you are doing the best you can, and it is enough.
Working out what to do around Christmas can be hard, and you might be trying to support your friend or loved one who might be struggling. In these situations, remember your job is not to fix that person but it is about being there alongside them. Offer to listen or distract them if that’s what they would prefer, and make sure you are looking after yourself too!
For additional support this Christmas please get in touch with Chasing the Stigma, ABC and FirstStepsED
