[Trigger warning: this Q&A references suicide and addiction]
Kid Brunswick is the pseudonym of 22-year-old British alternative artist Harry James. His rhythm and grunge music combines elements of all genres and his lyrics emphasise his struggles with addiction and mental health. We spoke to him about his mental health experiences.
Could you tell us a little about your mental health journey and how you got to where you are today?
From a very young age, I was around a lot of violence and substance abuse. When I was a kid, I used to lie about everything. I just used to lie, lie and lie and everyone knew it. At primary school, I told kids that my Dad worked for NASA. I’m from west London so it’s physically impossible that my that would be working there. I think it was because ever since I was young, I was intrinsically unhappy with who I was.
I didn't understand why I felt that way, but I always felt uncomfortable. I always felt less than. Looking back on it, I think that those that was a way of coping because of the trauma I went through.
When I was young I had really, really bad nightmares. I used to get hospitalised with them, so I was put on medication when I was a kid. And I don't know I still don't know today if that affected my brain, but it definitely made me more fearful about life.
At around the age of six, I displayed strong signs for ADHD. When my ADHD ramped up, that's when I started getting in trouble at school. As a teenager, the way I dealt with my ADHD was with substance abuse. It was the worst thing I did. It wasn't really a decision I made: it just happened. I've been around it with my family, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.
"As a teenager, the way I dealt with my ADHD was with substance abuse. It was the worst thing I did. It wasn't really a decision I made: it just happened. I've been around it with my family, so it didn’t seem like a big deal."
After the substances came, the depression came. I was around fifteen was when it really kicked in. The worst time that I can remember, I was living at my Mum’s house, and I didn't get out of bed or my room for three months. It was like the world just didn't matter anymore. That was when I really noticed that something was seriously wrong.
It’s crazy, because, from the beginning, you could kind of see that things are wrong, but no one ever talked about mental health. Looking into mental health was something that I had to do for myself. I started therapy. I was prescribed antidepressants. They did help at the beginning, but eventually, everything got worse and worse.
Eventually, that led to a suicide attempt. After that, I woke up in a hospital then I was like “OK, f**k this, I'm going to get into rehab.” So, I went into rehab and got sober. Since becoming sober I’ve worked through feelings I’ve never dealt with before. It's been really tough, but I feel like I'm getting back on my feet.
Now I'm in the best place I've ever been in my life, Yeah, that's my journey. And, I'm sure it's not at the end. I'm sure there's some little sort of surprises around the corner at some stage. But I think for right now, I'm in a really good place. I think I got the help that I needed. I continue to get myself the help that I need. I know what I need to do.
How has writing music impacted your mental health?
It’s a tricky one that question because I've always said it really helps. But it also doesn't. You get a proper dopamine rush from writing a really good song that then comes with like, a natural come down. The next day, that comedown crash really hurts. After writing a good song, I'll spend two or three days in bed. And it sucks.
Whenever I'm writing something really good, I use a lot of my energy physically and mentally, emotionally, so I’m drained afterwards. But it doesn't last forever. That’s the only thing that matters, you know, it doesn't last forever, and everyone gets through it.
"Whenever I'm writing something really good, I use a lot of my energy physically and mentally, emotionally, so I’m drained afterwards. But it doesn't last forever."
What helps your own mental health?
Listening to people. More than talking sometimes. When I first got sober, I wanted to be heard. And now I like listening to other people's experiences rather than my own.
"When I first got sober, I wanted to be heard. And now I like listening to other people's experiences rather than my own."
When you get sober, you're able to empathize with people. When you have an addiction, you block out that empathy; you don't feel empathy for anyone else. You think to yourself; “Why is the world so hard? Why is everything so difficult?” But, all the while you steal money from your Mum to fund your habit. When you come into recovery you almost become the opposite of what you were, except you still got some of those like personality, little defects there. And they take a long time to leave and it takes a lot of work as well. Because those are the things that you've learned to protect yourself over the years.
Getting a good night’s sleep helps my mental health. I struggle with insomnia and often stay up all night wondering random things like “Is Hello Kitty a girl or a boy?”. One of the difficulties of getting sober is it is so much harder to get to sleep.
Exercise too, which I haven't done in like a week. And I feel rubbish for it.
What are your hopes for the future for mental health?
I hope discussions around mental health are taught in schools. It’s ridiculous that we’re taught about heart disease, but no one talks about mental health, which is just as important because if you don't have your mental health, you are more likely to get physically ill. If you're given some tools before, then you can prepare yourself. So many people are affected. It’s important to be taught open-mindedness from the get-go. It could even spark a conversation with parents, who could be more closed-minded about mental health before talking with their children about it.
"I hope discussions around mental health are taught in schools"
I think that the one thing that has helped push for open-mindedness about mental health in the world is there's been this pandemic. I genuinely think that more people will be open to speaking about how they felt during this time. I think it's an understatement to say that it's important to talk about how you feel.
