Claire Eastham is an ambassador for MQ and her new book F**K I THINK I’M DYING: How I Learned to Live with Panic. Is published tomorrow on May the 6th. As an MQ exclusive, here Claire shares her own experience of living with panic.
"Anxiety and panic attacks seem to go hand in hand in the media where mental health is concerned. They get lumped in together, as though panic is merely an extension of a pre-existing condition and not deserving of further attention. This….really upsets me … & not just because I’ve had over 371 attacks, which makes me a self-made expert of sorts. But also, panic attacks are unique in so many ways. For example, where anxiety is slow burning and constant, panic is violent and fleeting. Where anxiety can (sometimes) be rationalised, panic is hysteria incarnate, demanding immediate attention and action.
Many doctors I’ve encountered over the years have been almost flippant in their attitudes and use of language. “Just a panic attack,” “it’s part of anxiety,” or as one A&E doctor said to me as I begged for help: “you’re doing this to yourself and if you just calm down it’ll go away.”
I was first diagnosed with social anxiety and panic attacks in 2012, after a nervous breakdown at work.
I was in a meeting at the time, interviewing for a promotion and I experienced (what I now know) was my first ever panic attack. I knew even before I entered the room that something was wrong. My vision was blurry, I was sweating, and my mouth felt so dry I could barely swallow. As I took my seat, I felt a warm and not unpleasant sensation flowing through my body, (a massive dose of adrenaline). When this current hit my heart, it exploded, pounding furiously against my ribcage. My limbs felt numb, and my stomach cramped. I tried desperately to take a deep breathe, but my chest seized up and I began to hyperventilate.
Most of all however, I was overwhelmed by terror and a desire to run. Moments later, I not only left the meeting I left the office and ran all the way down the street!
The suggestion that this episode was merely “just a panic attack,” is beyond insulting. I LOST IT IN PUBLIC AND ALMOST DIED! (Or at least that’s what my subconscious thought). Panic attacks can be confusing and debilitating, making a person feel life a prisoner of their own life.
Whilst writing my new book I was fortunate enough to be introduced to Dr Andrea Reinecke, a senior research fellow and clinical psychologist at the University of Oxford, working on a profound mental health research project with MQ. With regard to panic, we discussed the sensitivity of the amygdala (the brain’s bodyguard): ‘Its sole and only purpose is to ensure survival by identifying and reacting to danger.’ There is no plan B, only a plan a, which is to initiate the fight-or flight response.’ A panic attack is a result of a miscommunication between the Amygdala and rational brain, which can be rectified with practice.
Research was and continues to be a paramount aspect of my recovery. The more I learned about panic, the more confident I became.
Almost a decade later, panic doesn’t control my life. Instead, it’s something that I live with, like IBS, or Eczema… it’s not ideal, but we make it work!"
You can order Claire's book here.
